I have to be honest, I have thought about going to the dentist lately but I have been hesitant. Everyday I brush my teeth the look of my mouth get worse. I spit blood (I know gross), and if I eat something wrong I feel a sharp pain. I know If I go the dentist is going to pull something or drill something. I’m not really nervous about the pain of the dental work, or even that I use to have a painkiller addiction and the dentist can prescribe those painkillers I use to love so much. Its more of the whole process. All the feelings from the past of walking into a medical type facility. If you where a addict like me, then you might know what I’m talking about. I use to hop from doctor to dentist office with all types of imaginary aches and pains. Looking for that painkiller holy grail. My addiction had me getting teeth pulled I really didn’t need. Have pains that only where as bad as I could sell them to the doctor through my amazing (in my head) acting skills. I even went as far as seriously hurting myself just to get a script.Then I was off to the races until I crashed from the usual painkiller addiction withdrawal. That’s why walking into any type of doctors office is still hard for me to this day. Its the smell of the room, the front desk and signing in. Its still hard for me to look into a doctors eye sometime.
Luckily I have a little clean time today and friends that are clean. People that where once addicted to painkillers like me and that have gone through major surgery clean. I have been able to pull upon their experience and have a support network. I have found that like most things in recovery honesty is the key. I had to share what I was going through with my sponsor. By being honest with him in a way its easier to be honest with myself. I told him about how going to dentist makes me feel and strangely it started sounding silly as I was telling him, but he didn’t laugh. He just suggested that I bring a basic text and read something positive. Now it doesn’t seem like such a big deal after holding those feelings in for so long. After hearing my friends stories about heart surgery and hip operations I think I can handle a little dentist trip. I have hope now that even if something serious happens, and I have to have surgery, I can make it through it clean without falling back to my painkiller addiction!